I don't believe in astrology - July 16, 2018
I think this is going to be the most eventful two weeks of the summer.
Are Leos funny?
It's Leo season on July 22, and to celebrate, I'm pleased to let you know I've recently discovered that Leos are not that funny. I have been writing about stand-up comedians by sign, and it is hard to find famous Leos in the field.
I'm just kidding that they aren't funny. That's me, a Gemini, being funny. But Leos are the hams of the zodiac, the drama queens, the stage hogs, the natural stars. They are the ones who actually know what to do when the spotlight falls on them. It's not just about attracting attention; Leos earn it and keep eyes on them.
So why the dearth of Leo stand-ups? I have thoughts but no firm theories.
They are earnest and honest, but not excruciatingly self-aware.
They gravitate toward characters or sketch because they can filter their sensibilities through a complete persona rather than a version of themselves.
They are too corny for stand-up.
They are better suited to drama, even when they are funny.
They are the kind of people who are hilarious in real life, and then they get up on stage, and you're like, I guess?
I don't know, but it's fascinating to me because it's so counter-intuitive. To add another wrinkle, I also found fewer Aquarius stand-ups, too. Aquarius is the opposite sign of Leo, and so they share fundamental characteristics that express themselves in divergent ways. So whatever is going on with Leos and stand-ups is real because it's affecting Aquarians too! Astrology isn't real, but it is, and this is a clue, and I am a detective. I'm a detective within a fictional discipline. I recommend it.
Here's a joke about a Leo: I dated one once, and we both agreed he was great. But again, that's me being funny, not them.
Mercury retrograde July 26 to August 18
Mercury is staying in Leo a little longer than usual, because it starts traveling backwards next Thursday. Of course, the planets don't really move backwards, they just appear that way. So not only is astrology not real, even within the discipline retrogrades are mere illusions. This should comfort me, but it doesn't. Mercury is my planet, as a Gemini, and it's the second personal planet to be retrograde this summer, alongside Mars.
Don't forget Mars is still retrograde until August 27. Our anger, our will to act, our decision-making are all stunted in his slumber. The only thing we can do is review what we've done and what we want, and trust that we'll be better equipped to act at the end of the summer (and ideally not until the beginning of October). Patience is key, which is exactly what this planet is not about.
So now Mercury is pulling a Mars, and again, everything that falls under the winged messenger's purview -- all communications, technology (especially personal tech), subways, thoughts (but not prayers!), gossip, writing, publishing -- will urge you to look backwards for weak links and smarter ways to move forward once the planet is up and running again.
I wish they weren't both doing this, but part of me is like, bring it on, have at it. I think that's the best way to approach this stuff. If I'm going to believe in something that I don't really believe in (astrology), then I might as well calm down when it gives me anxiety.
But it does give me anxiety.
Actually, I have a tip for dealing with any kind of anxiety (not just the self-fulfilling kind) during Leo season. Leos process their emotions through physical expression. They are not necessarily the sportiest sign (that honor belongs to Sagittarius), but they are usually athletic. I don't know any wimpy Leos. Doesn't matter what shape they are in, their bodies are strong. Leos and Leo risings are those people who are naturally toned. So if you want to deal with your anxiety, I recommend push-ups.
The longest bloody moon of the century
The lunar eclipse coming up on July 27 is a blood moon, meaning it will scatter red light for a few minutes as the moon moves into the earth's shadow. If that wasn't cool enough, it's going to last nearly two hours (not the red light part, but the event itself), making it the longest eclipse of the century.
Not all full moons are lunar eclipses, but all lunar eclipses are full moons. And full moons are oppositions, which is one of the most tense angles that planets can form with one another -- 180 degrees away from each other on the zodiac wheel. That's why these events tend to be feared; they investigate conflict brewing under the surface and bring them to a boil.
Eclipses happen in pairs separated by half a year, so they occur in one sign and then its opposite across the zodiac wheel. That means they are thematically linked, and whatever issues are brought up or initiated by this blood moon will culminate in six months when we have another lunar eclipse full moon in Leo on January 21, 2019.
I am truly scared of this one. It's a four-way showdown: Mars in retrograde (so, a grumpy Mars) and the blood moon vs. the sun and Mercury in retrograde (so, a whiny Mercury) on the other. You have emotions and decision-making being pitted against your ego and ability to communicate -- and two of those functions are half asleep.
This is going to raise fundamental questions about who you are and what you want in whatever sectors it affects, and they won't really be resolved until January. Meanwhile you can't do much with so many retrogrades playing out, so while a full moon brings endings, I suspect this one will inspire more questions than answers.
Because this summer is all about retrogrades, my broad advice across all signs is to put your head down, learn to sit with yourself, and don't embark on new paths until at least after August, but ideally, not until October 8, when Mars is back to full capacity. Keep doing the good work you're doing now -- if you're picking up good habits, hang onto them, because they will serve you now.
This summer is really an astrological winter. And if you want to enjoy the real summer, then you need to treat right now as the growth cycle, not the harvest. It's neither the time to plant nor reap; you just want to tend to what's already in motion. That's exactly what the purpose of retrogrades are.
I've scared you enough. We'll be fine.
Horoscopes for July 16 to July 29
Remember to read for your rising sign if you know it, because when I tell you things are happening in a certain part of your chart, I can only make that assumption based on the rising sign. That's what tells me the set-up of a chart. Your sun sign could be anywhere.
Aries + Aries rising... With the blood moon landing in your house of friendship, groups, and networking, you might feel ill at ease in your clique. If you've been bickering with someone, it's at risk of escalating on and around the 27th. This could also be friends at work or a team you're on. It might be time to quit, and you will likely seriously consider it, even if the bond survives. A financial issue may catalyze the conflict, especially if you've lent money recently. Check your receipts, your ledgers, your Venmo, whatever will at least ensure that you have records of everything before you go to war.
Taurus + Taurus rising... You've been working hard to advance your career and finding stop signs where you need a green light. Maybe you're truly at a crossroads not only with this job, but with the entire industry. If you've been thinking about leaving, this blood moon on the 27th will provide a serious test to that theory. You may start plotting your second act if you haven't yet. But if you can, hold off on making concrete plans while Mercury is retrograde in your home sector. You need to have your thoughts and your house in order before making such a decision, and you still need time to sort this out.
Gemini + Gemini rising... Don't travel. If you've got plans, try to cancel them, because this has the potential to be one of the most irritating, stressful, fuck-up-filled trips you've ever taken. That goes double if it's with siblings or in-laws, as all this blood moon conflict is happening right in your houses of communication, travel, big trips, and family members. If you're working on something creative, killing your darlings may be harder than ever. Be aware that Uranus is making a hard angle (a square) to all this sun-moon-Mars-Mercury tension in your house of dark secrets and enemies you don't see coming. Uranus brings surprises, and it's unlikely to be pleasant when it's in a negative aspect to so many planets. You can't avoid or predict what he'll do, but you can ready yourself to accept his shenanigans with as much flexibility as possible.
Cancer + Cancer rising... If money is on your mind, the blood moon on the 27th will help illuminate how you can better allocate your resources. If you're fighting over assets with an ex-spouse, litigating to win damages, or tracking down freelancer payment, that tension should be released after the blood moon. It's likely that the crux of this issue involves friendship, romance, or creative output, as Uranus is stationed in your house of groups and socializing. He's exerting that discord to the sun-moon-Mars-Mercury opposition, squaring both sides of it in Taurus. We can't predict what will happen, but if there's a romantic or social component to your money woes, that will suddenly become relevant.
Leo + Leo rising... If you've been fighting with a spouse or a business partner, this blood moon on the 27th will be the beginning of the end or the beginning of a new beginning. That's kind of a nice way to look at it: as a beginning either way. But you won't be helped by the muddiness of Mars and Mercury in retrograde. Mars is the god of war, and he's most useful when he can tell us where to make cuts in our life. Mercury, of course, provides the intellectual grease for any decision-making, communication, and without the full force of his talents, you may have to revise your thinking several times. Don't try to solve the entire puzzle, just the corner you're familiar with right now.
Virgo + Virgo rising... Work is stressing you out, and perhaps you're closing out a big project. Something that has dominated your day-to-day and will no longer be on your plate. Or you've been quite serious about a new health initiative, whether that's running every day (in this heat?) or trying out a new diet. The point is, your routine is going through an overhaul, and in the meantime, you might feel unmoored. You may face unexpected challenges arising from a publishing or publicity project that will add stress to your already-stressful transitions in terms of day-to-day work. You won't be able to predict it, of course, but while the questions raised will not be solved by the end of the month, or even next, the initial shock will wear off fairly quickly. Take comfort in that, at least, and do your best to stay healthy.
Libra + Libra rising... If you're in a relationship or seeing someone semi-casually, either things are about to get more serious or they are about to end. Libras love relationships, but there's a difference between putting in effort and trying to force compatibility where it doesn't exist. If you're married or unattached, this will not apply; you will feel the tension with friends, in creative pursuits, or with your kids if you have them. Maybe you're feeling writer's block or unable to brainstorm. Maybe you're just not funny right now, and none of the seeds you're planting are finding purchase. The soil may be bad, so to speak, but you're not wasting your time. There's value in working even without a reward, and you'll get a clue on the 27th what that might be. It might be enough to keep you going.
Scorpio + Scorpio rising... Perhaps your home has been less of a sanctuary lately. Maybe you're arguing with family, spouse, or cohabitant. Maybe it just doesn't feel like home right now. This pressure you're feeling will likely not fully resolve after the blood moon on the 27th, but you will know more about what you need to feel cozy and secure. If you're closing on property, you will make progress, but it will come with delays and unexpected turns. Even smaller home improvement projects, like hanging floating shelves or keeping a fern alive, might seem insurmountably tedious and stressful. You're a Scorpio, you know how to be patient. This eclipse trouble is a long game, and it will help you sort out what you need to discard vs. nourish.
Sagittarius + Sagittarius rising... You may feel like the entire world is running on delays. Subways, meetings, project timelines, the words you speak and the speed with which you think them -- these are all potential casualties of the planetary friction that is already underway and will peak with the blood moon. If you're traveling, even on a short trip, you will encounter issues, and take extra care to be safe. With Uranus in Taurus forming a square to the blood moon brigade from your sixth house of health and work, your body could be the site of the conflict. Take care of your physical self as much as possible right now.
Capricorn + Capricorn rising... The blood moon hits you in your house of earned income, and you may be angling for a raise or a side hustle to come through with payment. It's likely that this process has not been as easy as it should have, and in the meantime, it's easy to feel bitter that you're wasting time. Time is a precious resource for everyone, but Capricorns are especially sensitive to its value. This eclipse may elicit conflict that seems to threaten everything you hold dear -- which is not the case, of course. It will only help you see if and what you need to let go of to move forward. And you won't really know until the fall -- and really, not until January.
Aquarius + Aquarius rising... This conflict is all about you vs. partnership. It may not necessarily be manifesting through an actual conflict with a partner (either in business or life), but rather the entire question of what you need from others vs. what you can give yourself. The blood moon hits right in your first house of self-possession and identity, which often calls us to acknowledge the disparity between what we want and what we must do to get it. With Mars and Mercury in retrograde during this, you won't resolve this issue once and for all, but you will get a sense of where you need to go to pursue answers.
Pisces + Pisces rising... The blood moon will peak in your twelfth house of mental health, secrets, and self-undoing, while opposing the sun and Mercury retrograde in your house of work and daily habit. This could manifest through tension with coworkers or feeling like your output is not up to your usually high standards. After the moon peaks, make a gentle commitment to self-care. Don't do anything to wildly disrupt your routine, because with Mercury and Mars retrograde, plans don't tend to stick. Just make a small adjustment to your outlook, and promise yourself you will eat some kale, or sit alone with your thoughts for a few minutes -- just one healthy thing for yourself every day, no matter how small. At least until the 27th.
Moon void of course
This the most important part of the newsletter. That's why I put it last. I wanted to trick you into reading everything else first.
(Seriously, next time I do this I want to write, like, half.)
Anyway, these are the times/days when you should avoid starting new projects or having important conversations. It's basically the moon's retrograde, and the moon affects us the most personally since it's the closest celestial body we deal with. All times are Eastern.
July 17: 6:49 a.m. to 3:42 p.m.
July 19: 3:52 to 9:13 p.m.
July 22: 5:18 to 6:12 a.m.
July 24: 4:22 a.m. to 5:49 p.m.
July 26 to 27: 9:41 a.m. to 6:41 a.m.
July 29: 5:25 a.m. to 7:28 p.m.
Thank you for tuning in. If you liked this newsletter, please tell others about it. Meanwhile you can find me writing for PureWow, and on Twitter and Medium @alexkiki.