I don't believe in astrology #5
The Hunter’s Moon aka the Hunger Games Moon aka the Halloween Moon
May the odds be ever in your favor this Hunter’s Moon
I don’t think anyone is going to like the upcoming full moon on October 24.
Is it a coincidence that the full moon closest to Halloween, also known as the Hunter’s Moon, will be a nightmare? Yes. Everything about astrology is, and I will explain that as soon as I give you a little sneak peak at how bad this moon will be. This dance will have three movements.
Full moons are always stressful. 🌑
Full moons break weak links. If nothing is a-brewing in your life, it’ll pass you by. But whatever is causing you even a tiny bit of grief right now, that’s the thing. That’s what it’s going to be. It’s like when you have a stomachache that you hope doesn’t slowly get worse until you hurl. If you have the ache, get ready to puke.
This one is in Taurus, a sign ruled by Venus, which is in retrograde. ♉
Everything regarding love and romance and sweetness and money, too, is all reversed right now. A full moon in Taurus might break us out of a physical or material rut, especially related to our love affairs, the things we own, where we live, or money we’re owed. But with Venus guiding backwards, we’ll have to contend with the most frustrating outcomes—meaning bad luck on all of the above fronts.
Which will yada yada make us stronger, I know. We have to spin this somehow. But that’s not even the worst news yet…
Venus is in Scorpio right now, so it is in opposition to this full moon. ♏
So not only is Venus in diminished form, she’s in a horrible mood at the moon, who herself is already in a horrible mood for being full. This means our emotions (the moon) are up against our ability to love and value people/things (Venus), and we get the worst of both. We’re talking the works:
Irrationality
Jealousy for no reason
Jealousy for good reasons
Eating too much!
Having to say the thing we practiced in the mirror in the hopes that we wouldn’t have to actually say them
Hiccuping or coughing through important dramatic speeches, totally undercutting the impact
Dehydration
Mixed metaphors
Ugly outfits
Housing arrangements that fall through in unexpected ways
Money we thought we were owed but we actually owe
Break-ups for sure
That thing of where you mean-girl yourself and focus on all your flaws
How can we not be all Stefon about this?
Fun fact: I’m writing this newsletter naked on my bed with the windows open, so any passers-by can peep my full moon right now!
A less salacious fun fact: I’ll be sending out a recap of your sign-by-sign breakdown of how the Hunter’s Moon will affect you for ~paid subscribers only~ tomorrow. If you want in, sign up below. If not, that’s totally fine for everybody.
How do you get hooked on astrology?
I’ve noticed that I can talk to my astrology-skeptical friends for longer and longer these days before they remember they don’t believe in it and try to change the subject.
I think I’m getting to them, and I’m not trying to. It’s not me at all, actually. Astrology is habit-forming.
All it takes is one or two coincidences, and you’re bought in. You just have to feel like it really nailed something about who you are or what’s going on in your life a few times, and it’ll unconsciously relax your biases and make you trust it even if you don’t think you do.
Astrology has been wrong way more often than right in my life, but it’s been right enough times now that I’m a customer for life.
Because though life is chaos, we’re addicted to order.
Astrology helps us spot patterns where there are none and weave tapestries of meaning out of nonsense—and that lights up our brains like New Year’s Eve.
It’s by far my healthiest and favorite addiction. Cheers.
I’m on grand jury duty for the next two weeks, and that inspired the following FUNNY piece.
Signs as jurors
♈ Aries: I’m pissed I wasn't juror #1!!!
♉ Taurus: I said nothing, but I got my way.
♊ Gemini: I know I'm not supposed to deliberate during questions, but I was TOTALLY deliberating during questions!
♋ Cancer: Guilty.
♌ Leo: I was juror #1. 👑
♍ Virgo: Innocent.
♎ Libra: Hahaha I abstained from voting.
♏ Scorpio: I was NOT impartial… 😈
♐ Sagittarius: I think I'm a lawyer now!
♑ Capricorn: I am a lawyer now.
♒ Aquarius: WE SHOULD HAVE ENACTED JURY NULLIFICATION.
♓ Pisces: [weeping] That was beautiful.
If there’s something you’d like to know more about, comment and I’ll answer it in an upcoming issue. Share this newsletter if you like it and think others would, too!