I don't believe in astrology - May 21, 2018
Hi, welcome to I don’t believe in astrology, a newsletter for people who believe in astrology.
I know astrology isn’t real. We would be able to measure, in some way, the validity of its claims, and, according to NASA, no one has actually found evidence in support of the zodiac.
It also doesn’t make a lot of sense on its face. Why would Mercury, a planet that lives 48 million miles away from us, have any say over how I talk to my friends?
But it does. Astrology cannot be real, and yet it is. I don’t believe in it, but I absolutely, absolutely believe in it. For as long as I’ve been talking and thinking, I’ve known core astrological concepts. I knew I was a Gemini about the same time I learned my name.
And no one more than a Gemini appreciates that cognitive dissonance. For me, the question itself reinforces my enthusiasm for the practice. I invite you to celebrate this tiny chaos with me.
My intention with this newsletter is to produce small batch pieces of horoscope and analysis to help you order my life, as I do, around the zodiac.
How to read horoscopes
The following horoscopes are meant to be read for your rising sign. If you don't know your rising sign, email me your date, exact time, and location of birth, and I'll figure it out for you. If you are interested in hanging out with me more than that, which, I wouldn't be surprised, I will do a personal reading of your chart. Just let me know.
Once you know your rising sign, you should read all horoscopes for that from now on.
Here’s why. Your rising is the sign on the cusp of your first house in your natal chart, the astrological blueprint for your life. Knowing your rising sign tells you how your chart is structured, which is important when interpreting which areas of your life will be affected by planetary movements. Since horoscopes don't know you, most of them will presume your sun sign is also your rising—even though there’s only a 1/12 chance that will be true for any given reader.
That’s my natal chart. See the westernmost point? It hits at exactly zero degrees Aquarius, my rising sign. When I read the horoscope for Aquarius, it tells me accurately that Venus is transiting my sixth house of work and habit (which it is right now). If I read for Gemini, it’ll say Venus is in my second house of earned income, which it is absolutely not. The horoscopes for Gemini are still resonant, because that’s my main energy, but it’s much more useful to read for my rising.
I don't know why most horoscopes don’t mention this. Some will instruct you to read for both your sun and your rising, which I think is perfectly fine. Your sun sign is still important, and it's still who you are, but you're going to get more practical information out of a forecast for your rising.
Horoscopes for May 21 through June 3
It's finally Gemini season. The sun just entered the sign of the twins, and we will all feel lighter after the heavy languor of Taurus. Geminis are lively, witty, social creatures in near-constant pursuit of information in any form—whether it be fact, gossip, or carnal knowledge. The twins are all about dialogue, and they love to see every side of an issue, even if it’s annoying to everyone around them. But they are charming flirts who can usually talk their way out of being disliked, and when the sun is in their sign, we all get a chance to enjoy their superpowers.
Aries (March 20-April 18): You may be inspired to write or talk more these days, as you’ll be more insightful than usual. The last few days may have seemed a bit quieter, as Uranus moved into Taurus and out of your first house of identity and self-reliance. Whatever surprises Uranus brought, the shakeup is likely to take, as Taurus energy will stabilize that chaos and bring fruit from it. The full moon right after Memorial Day is in Sagittarius, a fellow fire sign, and it’ll light up your house of travel, ceremonies, and exploration. Maybe you’ll take a big trip, or maybe you’ll get married. It’s up to you.
Taurus (April 19-May 19): With the sun moving into your second house, you may see more money—or simply an increase in your sense of self-worth and what you value. Maybe that’s more free weeknights or quality time with friends, but it’s likely to make you happier. Meanwhile, Uranus is still getting comfortable in your first house, bringing some changes to how you feel about yourself, your looks, or the energy you’re giving off to the world. This is all especially jarring to a stable bull, but that’s the point.
Gemini (May 20-June 20): The sun is shining on you now, and you will feel gorgeous and popular all month. Though Venus just left your sign, you will benefit from its placement in your second house of earned income and possessions, as Venus lends beauty to everything it touches—including your paycheck. Even if you don’t get an actual raise (although you might), you will see an increase in opportunities to make money. Meanwhile, the full moon in Sagittarius on Tuesday, May 29, will bring resolution to something brewing with either a business partner, your spouse, or possibly someone you’ve had open tension with for a while. After that, you can go back to enjoying twin season.
Cancer (June 21-July 21): Venus has come out of the shadows and into your first house, lending you some added charm and sparkle. If you’re single, this would be the time to leave your crab shell and go on a date or two. If you’re in a relationship, you’ll find yourself especially in love. You may suddenly reconnect—or find yourself estranged from—certain friends, with Uranus having moved to your social sector. But that’s going to work out; running in new circles is exactly what you need right now.
Leo (July 22-August 22): Lions are dealing with Uranus in their tenth house of fame, career, and honors—which can mean a sudden shift in status, for better or worse. You have Taurus on the cusp of that house, which helps ensure that the turmoil will be for good cause, provided you humble yourself to its effects. Leos are famously bad at doing that. Meanwhile, Mars is powering through your house of self-undoing and unseen obstacles, demanding that you tend to your mental and physical health. Go to therapy, do yoga, take a bubble bath. Indulge. Leos are good at that.
Virgo (August 23-September 21): The sun is entering your tenth house of honors and career, which gives you a boost of dignity and recognition for your hard work. Even better, with Venus moving into your house of friendship and social rewards, you may feel especially well-connected and in-demand, and powerful friends can suddenly seem very inclined to help you. The helpful virgin would never let anyone do them a favor without repaying it, and Mars will give you even more energy to work hard by visiting your sixth house of day-to-day labor and physical health. Your Virgo work ethic will ensure than any rewards are well deserved, but your Virgo anxiety will probably prevent you from enjoying them too much.
Libra (September 22-October 22): The full moon after Memorial Day may bring closure to a writing or publishing assignment you’ve been struggling to complete—or perhaps an argument or debate you’ve been entertaining for a while. The days following that full moon should feel peaceful and bring some needed mental calm. Meanwhile Mars is in your fifth house of creative pursuits in eccentric Aquarius, inspiring you to participate in some truly experimental art, or to date someone really… experimental.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Uranus moving from Aries to Taurus means it’s now sitting in your seventh house of marriage and partnership. Any shift already underway between you and a partner—either in business or in marriage—may solidify under this Taurus placement. Uranus bring with it the power of alienation and divorce, so you may have found yourself in sudden estrangement from a partner. In Taurus, Uranus will slow down and show you a new path that is viable and healthy. Meanwhile, with Mars in your fourth house, you may feel quite motivated to take on home improvement projects. Which is good, because you may not have a choice.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 20): You’re feeling the coming full moon on Tuesday, May 29, in your first house, which will close some open chapter of self-exploration. This may have been a painful period of time, but you’ll be glad to put this chapter behind you. Meanwhile, Uranus in Taurus is shaking up your workflow, and you may be put on a new project or team that forces you to problem-solve in new ways. Or you might have discovered a new diet or workout routine, which is likely to stick if it’s working for you. Luckily centaurs thrive on physical and mental challenges to keep them from getting bored, so you’ll probably enjoy all the upheaval.
Capricorn (December 21-January 18): Both heavy Saturn and Pluto are going to be in your first house for a while, testing you on your self-reliance. However, goats are born for such challenges, and if you power through the periods of self-doubt long enough to do the work, you’ll emerge healthier and more beautiful than before. The full moon on Tuesday, May 29, will hit your twelfth house of undoing, and any unseen forces working against you will reveal themselves, allowing you to defeat them.
Aquarius (January 19-February 17): You’re still feeling the effects of Uranus moving into your home sector, and you may be moving or in the process of redecorating. Uranus challenges us to innovate, so keep your creative instincts sharp throughout the process. Meanwhile, with Mars touring your sign and the sun transiting your house of true love and self-expression, you’re going to want to make a lot of art or a lot of love. Preferably both.
Pisces (February 18-March 19): The sun is touring your third house of communication, and you may feel more inclined to express yourself these days. That instinct may be best channeled into self-advocacy at work, as Mars in Aquarius will animate your second house of earned income. Wherever Mars goes, it grants us the drive to assert ourselves and win. For the sensitive fish, this is a rare opportunity to harness that aggressive energy for your benefit. Which you deserve, even when you're total martyrs about it.
A word about the moon
The moon doesn’t retrograde like the planets do, but it does suffer from an analogous condition: moon void of course.
The moon travels faster than any other astrological body and spends 1-2 days in a sign. Before moving onto a new sign, it pauses for a few minutes up to a few days. That pause is when the moon is said to be void of course.
During this time, the powers of the moon are diminished. The moon rules emotions and intuition, and during this period you’ll want to hang back from making big decisions, signing papers, or starting projects, or having difficult conversations. These projects will be more prone to setbacks, shifts in direction, or changes of the heart—similar to the troubles that befall plans made while Mercury is in retrograde.
However, it is an excellent time for cleaning, introspecting, and working on problems already in progress.
I look up the moon’s orbit every week so that I can avoid big, initiating decisions when it’s void of course. If I can help it, I will schedule around those periods for job interviews, important lunches, even creative projects, especially in their early phases. For the next two weeks, I’ve highlighted the times when the moon is void below, so that you may do the same if you wish.
May 23-24: 10:55 a.m. to 2:52 a.m.
May 25-26: 5:03 p.m. to 9:39 a.m.
May 28: 1:25 p.m. to 6:29 p.m.
May 30-31: 2:26 a.m. to 11:37 p.m.
Geminis, though
In honor of Gemini season, I’ve helped decode the texting patterns of the twin in your life. As a twin who knows.
Texting you constantly... They are at peace with you, themselves, and the world.
Texting you about a crisis... They’re fine. They’re just bored.
Picking a fight over text... They don’t care about this fight. They are bored.
Sending you the wrong text... Bored.
Sending you the wrong text when it was about you... Never been happier to cause this drama.
Sporadic texts that seem like they don’t care... They are thinking about you a lot.
Not texting at all... They are lost to themselves. Send help.
What would make me not believe in astrology
I would give up on astrology and ignore it forever if Tom Cruise were not a Cancer. But he really, really is. Astrology is real.
I can't stop thinking about this
Nell Scovell’s nuanced takedown of David Letterman’s embarrassing take on sexism in comedy in the latest episode of his Netflix show. I watched this live, and, though I shouldn't expect better, I was galled and horrified at how willfully ignorant his talking points were.
Actually, I take it back about expecting better. We should always expect better from men in power. Even if it breaks our hearts every time they fail, we deserve not to have to lower our standards to accommodate their laziness.
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